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...reaching out...

ulric

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It's a minor thing, in comparison to the other threads/requests....

December 27th, after 3 years my GF decided to part ways by sending me an email.... a **** email.

She left jewelry, clothing & family heirlooms (quilts, afghans, baby blanket). I've bagged it, placed it in a closet. We were in the process of remodeling/redecorating.

I'm having a **** of a time letting go and moving on.
 
All I can say is remember, everyone has "needs" and "wants". And even though you are having a rough time, time will indeed make it better. It may not go away, but you'll be able to move on.

Strength, my friend.

Larry
VFRrider
 
The abrupt end of a long term relationship is rarely a "minor thing". It can be quite traumatic and leave long term scars. It is a hard thing to forgive. Time will indeed make it better. It just kind of sucks in the meantime...

Whatever you do, DON'T listen to any country music!! Trust me :lol2:
 
What ever you do.....do not second guess yourself. It does not help. Takes awhile but the pain will lessen I promise. Keep your head up and do your best to not dwell on it. Talking about it is the first step. Hope things get better for you brother.
 
My solution would be to go on a long ride to somewhere else and find some time to do your own thing... Go camp, or see a different state, go for a weekend if you gotta be back to work on Monday. Maybe pick up some strange on the side and have a few drinks and a few dinners, but then again I like being single and don't want to be hemmed in by anyone so it's easy for me to be non-commital. Toss all her stuff in a garbage bag and get it the heck out of your house. On your way out of town drive by where ever she is and either leave it on the porch if there are breakables or if you want to be truly indifferent about it throw it on their lawn as you drive by and don't bother to stop (just make sure there will be no legal recourse afterwards would be my only point of concern). It'll make you feel good and probably be best to help you move on down the road, in every possible way. Move on and save the concern for someone who truly deserves it.
 
A natural reaction is anger. Anger will only hurt you and can last a long time. It will even affect you physically. Find a way to let go of the anger. As painful as it is right now, find a way to forgive her as soon as you can regardless of what she does.
 
Been down that road, before the internet. These days relationships can be just a mouse click away. There a millions of unattached women in the world. Go on line and just see who's available. That should bolster your spirits.
 
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You said that you are reaching out, and this is the only thing that I know that will work 100% every time. I would say if a person looks on the internet, you may find many that you can live with, and there are many, and your spirit may get lifted for a season. The way to find the one that you can't live without, is to not look. Trust God to bring you along side of her as friends first. The first (looking)is a sandy unstable foundation that requires high maintenance. The last is a solid rock foundation that cannot be moved, and is an absolute covenant choice between the man and woman. The first is performance based, the last is enduring love. I found my wife when I was not looking about ten years ago. We will endure any storm, and they do come , that this world can toss at us. You reached out for comfort , "reaching out..." a There is only one thing that I know that will calm the storm and heal your broken heart. I think right now, the last thing you need is another relationship or to date. Matthew 6:33 say's that if you seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; all these things will be added unto you. I am 100 percent sure if you choose to strengthen your relationship with God first everything will be well with your spirit and soul. You can read about Gods way of love all through the new testament, but a good place to start is 1 Corinthians chapter 13 ( the love chapter) This will define agape love. The last verse, And now abides faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love. God loves you and wants to help you. Romans 8:39. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate you from the love of God which is Christ Jesus our Lord. Genesis 2:18, It is not good for man to dwell alone, I will make him a helper. He will do the same for any person, man or woman, if we let him. Hope no one gets offended by the above, but he asked for help, and this is all I know that will work. Every thing happens for a reason, Romans 8:28, and God will turn it for good.
 


Well to kinda go in the opposite direction. Our pastor started a relationship series last week. Tonight's message was pretty good and you might find something positive out of it. fellowshiplive.com

Break ups suck especially long term but even if you didn't see it coming, I wouldn't want to be with someone that harbors those feelings. Sorry


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Having been through painful breakups before, I thought my life was over. But over time, when I could see the big picture, I thanked the Lord for unanswered prayers. When someone breaks up with you, it says more about them than it does you. Don't make any attempt to get back together you'll just be dragging out the inevitable and torturing yourself. There is someone better, you just haven't met her yet. What the bible says about being equally yoked is spot on.
 
Having been through painful breakups before, I thought my life was over. But over time, when I could see the big picture, I thanked the Lord for unanswered prayers. When someone breaks up with you, it says more about them than it does you. Don't make any attempt to get back together you'll just be dragging out the inevitable and torturing yourself. There is someone better, you just haven't met her yet. What the bible says about being equally yoked is spot on.

So true, I lived this ring around the rosy life, it aint fun.
 
Speaking as someone who was asked for a divorce after 9 years of marriage, all I can say is hang in there. Things will and do get much, much better. Even though awfully hard, try to always focus on the postives you shared. Hatered of the ex is never a good thing, on so many levels

The world has been an incredible place since I met my current GF, back in 07. Sure, there have been ups and downs but, since I met her I've gone camping, kayaking, mountain biking and even played basket ball with her. Basket ball is something not too pretty to look at, considering I'm almost 50 but, very much fun nevertheless. Most of all though, She's wonderful b/c is it how she fills all those empty spaces in my life and for letting me be who I am and who I want to be

So hang in there and good luck.
 
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It's a minor thing, in comparison to the other threads/requests....

December 27th, after 3 years my GF decided to part ways by sending me an email.... a **** email.

She left jewelry, clothing & family heirlooms (quilts, afghans, baby blanket). I've bagged it, placed it in a closet. We were in the process of remodeling/redecorating.

I'm having a **** of a time letting go and moving on.

I hope for your sake her name isn't Dana!

I don't normally hang out here and make a lot of comments, but this one hits home with me on so many level.

(Sorry this is gonna be long, but there's a lot that needs to be said to help you deal with this speed bump in your life.)

Without spilling out the entire story of my life, just let me say a few things that might help you some, since there has been some time since your first post.

I've been down this road a few times.

17 years of marriage and she flushes it all and takes me for all I'm worth. Her Boyfriend supposedly had more money than I did (He didn't) and I am a nice guy.

Then I got an real education about single life for 11 years after that.
Several girlfriends did the same thing you're going through.

Ok, you get the idea, I GOT THE "T" Shirt.

All in all I learned a valuable lesson.
You see, it's now been over 30 years since the divorce. And my second wife and I have been married for 18 years.
So this is sage wisdom earned the hard way!

My first wife did me an enormous favor! I see her now, and how she is with her 3rd husband and I am so relieved I'm not still married to her.

And my old Girlfriends from my Single Life Chapter are all basket cases who have completely ruined their lives and those of their children. Dodged a cannonball on those too! Thank God!

I didn't understand it when I thought my life and all my dreams were crumbling around me at the time. But now, many years later, I understand.
There was better things waiting for me.

Here's what you do with your EX.

Let her get her stuff. Send her a certified letter that you will hold HER items for her for no more than 90 days. After that they go to Salvation Army.
If she wants the items she must make an appointment to retrieve them and must come alone if she needs to come inside the house. You must be there and watch her every second. Piling it all up in the garage is better. If she needs to bring assistance to load it, you tell her you will set all her items on the driveway at a certain time and she and "whoever" can load them from there.

Do not let her (or them) in your house. And especially if she has a Male Friend along.

Trust me, She HAS A Male Friend, and you do not need to meet him.
Knock the dust off your feet and let her GO!

Now what after she's gone?
Do what you have to do to get on with your life, but one thing you do not need is another girlfriend. Date! Date many different ladies! Get an education about how different women can be.

Go to Church and join their Singles Group.
That will give you interaction with other singles outside the Bar Scene.

Ride your Motorcycle with as many Group Rides as you can afford.
Stay busy, but learn to enjoy your alone time.
DO NOT DRINK YOUR SORROWS AWAY! NO DRUGS Either!
They cloud your judgement!

Learn to Country Western Dance if you don't know how. This will make you popular with the Single Ladies at Church. Enjoy your freedom!
Dance for the exercise and Fun of it.

Learn to cook! Keep your house clean and finish the remodel.
I remodeled my home too! Long story!

The RIGHT Lady is out there and she will be part of your life in due time.

When you start thinking "Is this the one?" make a list of what's important for you in a Mate. Check her against YOUR list.

Such as:
If you want a lady who will ride with you, don't compromise.

If you think hiking and camping are part of your life that you don't want to give up ever, find one that is already into camping and hiking. Don't find a trainee unless that Trainee has been sheltered and finds her new outdoor love! But remember, she could be faking it!

Want (More) Kids?

Does she have a career, or did she just depend on her EX to pay for everything.
This could cost you.

Lastly, here is an IMPORTANT Note.

Women will fall in line with your hobbies just long enough to get a ring for the security.
Financial and Emotional Security. Fact of Life!

Once they have the gold ring prize and paperwork, many will revert back to their original personality.

That's why it's important to find one who's personality closest fits yours.

Yes opposites do attract, but they eventually will lose that attraction and drift apart. Mainly because they are always pulling in opposite directions. Similar Personalities have a special glue bond that holds them together.

Oh and remember, Divorced Women are divorced for a reason. Learn the real reason why they are divorced and check into it. I even recommend, if you can, meet with her EX. If he seems to be a guy you could hang out with, run away from her. Do not repeat his mistake! They divorced for a reason! Search for the truth.

Example: My EX was a Gold Digger when we were married! (I was ignorant and Naive)
Her Husband #3 is loaded. He never met me before their wedding. But we knew each other years ago.
He's not attractive, very overweight and in poor health. Sad thing is I LIKE THE GUY! He's a lot like me, only with mucho money!

He gave her Power of Attorney right before they got married. She told him she didn't know he was RICH when he proposed. Although we knew him and his first wife when our kids were little and she always bragged to me back then about how much money he had then.
In short she played him! And she's spending his wealth as fast as she can.
He will be broke when she divorces him. And if he dies first, his Kids will not see a dime. No Prenup!

I share this with you so you will understand this FACT OF LIFE.
There are women out there just like her. So be careful, don't rush it, and do your homework.

If you date a lady 3 months and things start getting bumpy or rough, she's not the one. Never marry without, at the minimum of, a 12 month engagement.
Remember, if you see some hard quirks in her, It will never work.
They will try and change you if they are not the one!
And if they are into Drugs, RUN AWAY!

Enjoy your Single Life and make the most of it.

I did!
And JSYK my second wife and I don't always see eye to eye, but we are committed to working the rough times out together.
I wouldn't trade her for 10 of my Ex's in our best days.
 
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Well said, thank you.
Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Praying for you.
Don't forget that anger is what she probably wants. It will justify her reasons for breaking your heart. Holding no resentment will surprise her and prevent further self inflicted wounds.

You said that you are reaching out, and this is the only thing that I know that will work 100% every time. I would say if a person looks on the internet, you may find many that you can live with, and there are many, and your spirit may get lifted for a season. The way to find the one that you can't live without, is to not look. Trust God to bring you along side of her as friends first. The first (looking)is a sandy unstable foundation that requires high maintenance. The last is a solid rock foundation that cannot be moved, and is an absolute covenant choice between the man and woman. The first is performance based, the last is enduring love. I found my wife when I was not looking about ten years ago. We will endure any storm, and they do come , that this world can toss at us. You reached out for comfort , "reaching out..." a There is only one thing that I know that will calm the storm and heal your broken heart. I think right now, the last thing you need is another relationship or to date. Matthew 6:33 say's that if you seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; all these things will be added unto you. I am 100 percent sure if you choose to strengthen your relationship with God first everything will be well with your spirit and soul. You can read about Gods way of love all through the new testament, but a good place to start is 1 Corinthians chapter 13 ( the love chapter) This will define agape love. The last verse, And now abides faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love. God loves you and wants to help you. Romans 8:39. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate you from the love of God which is Christ Jesus our Lord. Genesis 2:18, It is not good for man to dwell alone, I will make him a helper. He will do the same for any person, man or woman, if we let him. Hope no one gets offended by the above, but he asked for help, and this is all I know that will work. Every thing happens for a reason, Romans 8:28, and God will turn it for good.
 
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I've been there too. Best thing that ever happened to me. Met my wife shortly after ( who loves motorcycles) and we are going on 8 years with two wonderful kids. God is good and always faithful.
There is a better woman out there for you. It may be her down the road( probably not) but regardless it will be the right one at the right time.


Having been through painful breakups before, I thought my life was over. But over time, when I could see the big picture, I thanked the Lord for unanswered prayers. When someone breaks up with you, it says more about them than it does you. Don't make any attempt to get back together you'll just be dragging out the inevitable and torturing yourself. There is someone better, you just haven't met her yet. What the bible says about being equally yoked is spot on.
 
You said that you are reaching out, and this is the only thing that I know that will work 100% every time. I would say if a person looks on the internet, you may find many that you can live with, and there are many, and your spirit may get lifted for a season. The way to find the one that you can't live without, is to not look. Trust God to bring you along side of her as friends first. The first (looking)is a sandy unstable foundation that requires high maintenance. The last is a solid rock foundation that cannot be moved, and is an absolute covenant choice between the man and woman. The first is performance based, the last is enduring love. I found my wife when I was not looking about ten years ago. We will endure any storm, and they do come , that this world can toss at us. You reached out for comfort , "reaching out..." a There is only one thing that I know that will calm the storm and heal your broken heart. I think right now, the last thing you need is another relationship or to date. Matthew 6:33 say's that if you seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; all these things will be added unto you. I am 100 percent sure if you choose to strengthen your relationship with God first everything will be well with your spirit and soul. You can read about Gods way of love all through the new testament, but a good place to start is 1 Corinthians chapter 13 ( the love chapter) This will define agape love. The last verse, And now abides faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love. God loves you and wants to help you. Romans 8:39. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate you from the love of God which is Christ Jesus our Lord. Genesis 2:18, It is not good for man to dwell alone, I will make him a helper. He will do the same for any person, man or woman, if we let him. Hope no one gets offended by the above, but he asked for help, and this is all I know that will work. Every thing happens for a reason, Romans 8:28, and God will turn it for good.

I once had a breakup so bad that a year later, still not over her, I joined the Army, partially to just go start over. I wasn't looking for anything in the romance section.

Then I stumbled into an old friend, and we started talking, and long story short version is we've been married going on a decade and are expecting baby boy #3 in a few months.

Not looking is, in my experience, a good way to find what you're looking for, in many areas of life.

Just not your keys. You definitely have to look to find your keys.
 
Don't do like I did. I stayed single too long. Now I don't know what to say to a woman other than hi. Don't know what to say to help you out either. I'll say a prayer for you though.
 
Not looking is, in my experience, a good way to find what you're looking for, in many areas of life.

Just not your keys. You definitely have to look to find your keys.

Amen to BOTH of those!! :thumb:
 
I once had a breakup so bad that a year later, still not over her, I joined the Army, partially to just go start over. I wasn't looking for anything in the romance section.

Then I stumbled into an old friend, and we started talking, and long story short version is we've been married going on a decade and are expecting baby boy #3 in a few months.

Not looking is, in my experience, a good way to find what you're looking for, in many areas of life.

Just not your keys. You definitely have to look to find your keys.

Very true statement, but now that I am in a covenant marriage , she helps me find the key's, when I loose sight of them. Can two walk together unless they agree? (Amos 3:3) and a threefold cord is not easily broken. Picture an equilateral triangle with God at the top and the couple on each side. As they move closer to God (up) they always grow closer to one another agreeing with God's covenant. It's not just life, but abundant life and it is available for all through a loving relation with the creator. We love because he first loved us.
 
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